Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
