the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
