You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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