just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So here I am, sexting at work.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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