How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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