so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
