I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
