I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
