She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
