Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
