I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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