After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
