I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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