my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
