Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
