at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
