Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
