My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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