I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
