I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
