: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
