Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
