Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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