so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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