Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
