So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
