its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
