I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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