I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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