So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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