My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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