to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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