Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is Oprah even human
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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