I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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