Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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