do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
