I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
