How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
