summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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