Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
there's paper in my vomit.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
