Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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