Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
