so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
