pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's blow job season.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
