they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
