My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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