My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
