Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
