I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i love accidental penises.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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