Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
