It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
