apparently the secret to your success is patron
there was a trapeze. enough said
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Success! We fucked roommates!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
