she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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